On saturday we play the great, the mighty, the Stoke City. Once won the League cup in 17BC and boast of not even being one of the oldest clubs in the world. They live in a dream land where they believe they are destined for European sucess and, ofcourse, they once won something. Before I go any further, I must remind you they once won the League Cup and played in the top flight. Now they have Tony "Cliché-Man" Pulis as their manager as he provides the entertainment of moaning in as many cliché's as possible. Their strike force consists of Ade Akinbiyi, who was once pretty sh*t in the premiership but is now god damn awful - but made to look good in a lesser leage. His air is also god damn awful. Wait! Did I tell you they once won the League Cup? Well, now you know. Partnering Akinbiyi are Gifton Noel-Williams. He once had a future which was soon no more when he joined Stoke City, who won the League Cup once. They also host Carl Asaba... he's just over rated and from Sheff Utd - nasty mixture. In midfield they have Kris Commons. The 20 year old is the new David Beckham and rips this division apart. Yes. That good! So good he has managed an amazing 6 starts at the age of 20. So young yet so experienced. As you may have noticed the midfield has changed a bit since they won the League Cup in 1972. They also have Peter Hoekstra... he was a sub for Holland against England in the Euro 1996. Yes, that was when he was half decent. Darrel Russel, now he's quite good but was offered mega wages - like Akinbiyi, De Goey, Asaba, Halls, Taggart & Noel Williams, but don't tell Stoke fans - they forgot to take off their rose tinted glasses and see that players nearing the end of the careers wouldn't take a pay cut of nearly £15,000 to join little Stoke City. But then again, they did win the League Cup in '72 so that's a selling point to anyone. John Eustace is also a midfielder, but beware "he amassed nearly 50 premiership appearances". Shitting myself already. Down to their defence. It has Halls, apparantley the new Tony Adams... note to self: stop reading The Sun website, they may have come up with the Adie Moses transfer first but it talks shite. He's often partnered by Paul Williams... he's so bad it's embarrassing. Please be kind to him, it can't be easy for someone who Paul Tait could give the run around. Clint Hill is also in there, he's the specialist at a game called 'Hoof'. Oh sorry, he plays for Stoke... wouldn't expect any less. Also they completed the signing of Stoke fans page 3 poster idle - Gerry Taggart. No longer do they sit in their bedrooms dreaming of the day he would return to torture himself more. In goal is a keeper more dodgey than Clayton Ince, so take your choice at De Goey and Neil Cutler. De Goey is still living off his past, so he suits Stoke perfectly, whilst Neil Cutler is just very bad. Neither can catch the ball. Apart from that, the small club from down south once won the League Cup in 1972. Please don't bring this subject up with a Stoke fan, it may cause you to turn violent. For Saturday Stoke make one change to the side that drew 1-1 with Wigan last weekend, new defender Gerry "Best thing since sliced bread" Taggart will make his re-debut. Stoke: Cutler, Thomas, Taggart, Clarke, Halls, Russell, Eustace, Hoekstra, Noel-Williams, Asaba, Akinbiyi. Full Alex team news later this afternoon.
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